Loot Dispute

Timeline:

Rumulus “Mad” Ussa is dead!
And his henchmen are laid to waste..

Lady Magella, Cora Sleet, Brom Bumblebrim, Seressa Wraiven and Arcantonic Palecog find some interesting items on the dead dwarf..

This short story takes place some 17 years after the heart-rending events that occur in
A Bard’s Tale XIV, “a Bit of a Bite” V

Note: Only Brom Bumblebrim knows and has lived the story “a Bir of a Bite”, Lady Magella is vaguely aware of it, though she already knows who Rumulus “Mad” Ussa is (her elder brother). Cora Sleet, Seressa Wraiven, and Arcantonic Palecog (in particular) are clueless about it.

 

Seressa Wraiven: I see we have some items the dwarves have left for us to pick. I believe these were found on Rumulus “Mad” Ussa..

Lady Magella: (growl) Yes. That armor was certainly his. And his battle axes.. Having seen them up close.. The smarmy bastard!

Seressa Wraiven: (cough) Lady Magella. Willy-nilly, he was your brother, nonetheless. I think it should be you who makes the first bid if any..

Arcantonic Palecog: (mumble) Why? He wasn’t much of a fighter, much less a brother. Good riddance, the ugly bastard! The only thing I resent is not having to have bitch-slapped his sorry arse down the crack like the others.

Lady Magella: (shrug) To be honest, I don’t really care. I do not honor him enough to want to bury his possessions along with his carcass!

Arcantonic Palecog: Hear, hear, well.. uhhmm.. said!

Brom Bumblebrim: Well said, Lady.

Cora Sleet: (non-committal) Mmmpphhhh..

Lady Magella: I will take his armor. Mine sort of got busted. Going to have to bleach this thing thoroughly to get his stink off though.

Arcantonic Palecog: (cackle) That’s dwarf thinking for you; take the enemies armor —because it certainly helped him!

Seressa Wraiven: Alright. Then we have these two Battle Axes, each +2 to hit and to damage and each in pristine condition, A Ring of Protection..

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Brom Bumblebrim: I could use the Ring of Protection.. Almost lost concentration in that fight when I got singed by that fireball.

Lady Magella: (shrug) Don’t really care. I already got the armor.

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Seressa Wraiven: Here you go then, luv. Then we have these rather beautiful Bracers of Defense..

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Cora Sleet: I could use those. I am a bit tired of wearing this metal contraption. I need to feel the cool, tundra winds on my skin.. I do better without armor and those bracers will compensate for the loss of AC!

Lady Magella: Good choice, girl.

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Seressa Wraiven: Excellent. Now we have this pretty little Ring of Invisibility. I am surprised Rumulus “Mad” Ussa forgot to make any use of it.

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Seressa Wraiven: Perhaps Tonic could use it. She was running around a bit vulnerable back there..

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Brom Bumblebrim: Seconded.

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Lady Magella: Sounds fair. She did knock any number of those henchmen down the chasm. My brothers are still climbing down to retrieve their corpses.

Arcantonic Palecog: I.. Ow.. Ok.. I guess..

Seressa Wraiven: Now we have a rather juicy item here; made of genuine Dark Forest Bat fur and leather, sewn by enchanted Misty Forest Spider silk and..

Arcantonic Palecog: (mumble) Really, now, girl? You just need a bloody door, and you’d make an excellent salesman.. girl.. person! WTF and frigging politically correct crap shyt!

Seressa Wraiven: ..clasped at the throat by pure, electrum-silver and studded with platinum hammerings and 0.8-inch black pearl inlaid brooch. I give you: Cloak of Flying!

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Lady Magella: Can’t imagine my brother with such delicacies.. It looks quite exquisite.

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Seressa Wraiven: Indeed, luv, indeed..

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Brom Bumblebrim: (filthy scowl) I remember that cloak.. I remember it very well.. (spits on the floor with a very, very unhobbity vehemence.)

Arcantonic Palecog: I..

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Arcantonic Palecog: I.. WANT!..

Seressa Wraiven: You do?

Brom Bumblebrim: You do?

Lady Magella: What the—!

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!..

Lady Magella: Why? If you don’t mind me asking.

Arcantonic Palecog: For the pleasure of wreaking havoc by the simple expedience of bombarding everything from above!

Seressa Wraiven: !

Brom Bumblebrim: Huh..

Lady Magella: Hmm..

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Seressa Wraiven: That.. actually made sense!

Brom Bumblebrim: I believe it did.. in a depraved and creepy way.  

Lady Magella: Hear, hear..

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Arcantonic Palecog: Yesshhh.. (rubs the cloak on her face.)

Seressa Wraiven: And finally, we have the winner’s prize of the contest.

Arcantonic Palecog: (mumble) Girl, you are killing me.. I don’t know who you are anymore!

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Seressa Wraiven: The Stick of Destiny, the Arm of Mighty Storms..

Arcantonic Palecog: (mumble) I wonder how much commission she is receiving. Is it per item or is it performance-based? I hope it is the latter. She fully deserves it.. apparently! Wonder if she will do ‘pon pon girl’ as an encore? She has the butt-displaying skirt, all color-coded, for it already..

Seressa Wraiven: The Soul Focus of Might and Power..

Arcantonic Palecog: (mumble) I don’t know her, guys. I am disavowing her as of this moment!

Seressa Wraiven: The ULTIMATE ITEM OF DESTRUCTION

Arcantonic Palecog: OMG! —WANT!

Lady Magella: What is it, young lady?

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Brom Bumblebrim: Well?

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Seressa Wraiven: The Awesome Wand of Lightning Bolts!..

Arcantonic Palecog: >>> WANT! <<<

Brom Bumblebrim: Hmmm..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Lady Magella: Humm..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Cora Sleet: Mmmpphhhh..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Seressa Wraiven: Any bids?

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Lady Magella: You took nothing for yourself, child.

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Seressa Wraiven: My bad luck, there Lady. Nothing much I can use in this bunch.

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Lady Magella: Perhaps you can take the wand and make good use of it.

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Seressa Wraiven: I suppose. But let’s see what the others have to say first, shall we?

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Seressa Wraiven: Let’s not be too hasty, shall we, Tonic? Perhaps dear Brom and Cora might want it too.. I despair every time she shoots an arrow!

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Brom Bumblebrim: I am good for it. I like my own Wand of Magic Missiles. But it lacks some luster and is single-target.. But I also have this Staff of Storms, hence that covers my AoE damage need..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Cora Sleet: That hurt, Seressa. My shooting is acceptable.

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Seressa Wraiven: Yes, luv. It is acceptable.. by my standards, but not yours.

Cora Sleet: !

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Brom Bumblebrim: OMG, girl.. You are like a kid in a candy store..

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Brom Bumblebrim: Broken record, much?

Arcantonic Palecog: WANT!

Nezih: Ağzının ortasına çarpasım geldi!


 

1 Comment

  1. Tamamen komedi amaçlı yazdığım ve mesaj olarak ilgili arkadaşa gönderdiğim bir şeydi bu orijinalde. Ancak arkadaşın sonda söylediği, “Ağzının ortasına çarpasım geldi!” ifadesine o kadar güldüm ki, yazıyı düzenleyip hikayeleştirmeye karar verdim.

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